Dear Kay,
Before you pack up your life and squish it all into a 10'x3' area, there are some things I'd like to share with you that took me four years (and counting...) to learn. Things you'll experience, things you won't because you'll know to avoid them, things you'll experience anyway despite all your best judgement, and things you'll learn from in your own way.
Trust me, I understand you have four older siblings and myriad voices from here and there offering all kinds of advice. You're surrounded on all sides by voices of caution, warning, do this, don't do that, you'll love this, don't you DARE do that. I assure you it is all well-meaning and because we want the very best for you always, but that doesn't make any of it easier to process.
The fact is, you're ending the chapter of your life where you live by the structure set in front of you. Wake up at X in the morning, be at every class OR ELSE, follow the rules, dress like this, fit in exactly as you are supposed to, excel where you are allowed to. It's how high school - and all previous stages, for that matter - have been. It has gotten comfortable, consistent. But when people say how different college is, it's not necessarily because it's a giant party 24/7 or because you're free at last free at last thank God almighty free at last... it's because you are able to dictate how every day is going to go. Go to class. Don't go to class. Eat leftover pizza for breakfast. Sit on facebook. Go to the gym. Don't go to the gym. Go out. Don't go out. The point is, you have every right to learn the consequences (or lack thereof) by meeting them head on.
If I can offer anything from my own experience, however, it is the following:
1. Nothing is set in stone. Rules are laid out to set general expectations and prevent total mayhem, but there is always (ALWAYSbolditalicsunderline) leeway. For example, If you miss more than 2 classes you will drop a letter grade for each additional absence and one year will melt off your life. In reality, you can miss a few more and no one's baby is going to sprout devil horns. Nor will you drop a letter grade. Talk to your professor. The voice behind the rules is a person, and they can be reasoned with if you need it.
2. Everyone always says "You don't need to be best friends with your roommate", and it is true, but hard to imagine when you feel obligated to be besties with someone living in such close proximity. You could get along great, but it's okay to just talk when necessary. Smile and say hello. Maybe say "Bless you" when they sneeze (unless they specifically tell you to STOP SAYING IT because they're tired of saying thank you. Then it's awkward. Passing that along from a friend...) The same goes with your neighbors, and the girl you sit next to in lecture, and the guy you friggen ALWAYS see doing laundry. You are going to meet so many different types of people and your eyes will be opened to a much bigger world. Some of it is amazing, some of it is ugly. First impressions will be wrong. The best part about that is, though sometimes you'll end up with an awkward frenemy, sometimes you'll be enormously and pleasantly surprised at a new friend who will better you as a person, and vice versa, for many years to come.
3. The girl next door who always wears lime green crocs and won't touch a door handle without using a paper towel may seem like a great topic of gossip to bond over with other people. The truth is, you're not gaining anything from being judgmental, and you're not making great friendships with people if all you bond over is gossip. That girl is going through college her own way, and it's different from yours. You may still find yourself cheering for her winning an award at graduation.
4. At some points, you are going to feel like a cow. I mean this in a few ways.
a. When guys barter to get into a frat party by bringing a certain number of girls, you will feel like cattle being traded for goods. You will feel like Friday's Cattle Special when you and your friends arrive to a frat party and get in for the bargain price of $20 all together, rather than $5 each. It's not fun, nor is the party you're about to enter, but it is inevitable and you will learn from it how you'd rather be spending your time.
b. When you are inching along on the B line you will feel like you are in the cattle car on a train heading west. I swear, pause your iPod and you will almost hear mooing. Just know that, though it's great to have a train going through campus if you need it, you will never experience a line worse than the B line. It's all up from here.
c. At one point, maybe sophomore year, you are going to look back at pictures and learn the definition of "high school skinny". And you may feel like a cow. It's okay. We're all in the same boat, and that's what the Fitrec is for. As long as you can look in the mirror and say "I'm beautiful, I love beer, and I'm enjoying life", you're in good shape.
4. On a related note, Aesops Bagel in the GSU is the best bagel on campus (in my humble opinion). Be sure to try the jalapeno cheddar at least once. I kid you not when I admit I once skipped class I had such a huge craving one of those bad boys.
5. Equally related- stay on a meal plan as long as possible.
6. When you are playing a Sex and the City drinking game with your friend who's obsessed with the show and you've never seen it, the online directions will say "drink every time X happens..." It does NOT MEAN TAKE A SHOT. It means take a sip of a mixed beverage, or beer. If you do, somehow, end up taking 13 shots of a vodka so cheap it actually froze in the freezer, you are still at the age where you can get up at 8 am and go to the gym.
7. Try not to go to the gym while you're still drunk. Try not to drink aforementioned vodka accidentally thinking it's water at the gym while you're still drunk. Passing this along from a friend...
8. If you sit and wait for people to come to you, you will be disappointed. Leave your comfort zone. Text someone. Whether it's, "hey, what are you up to tonight?" or "wanna grab lunch this week?" You aren't being needy or pathetic- you're reaching out. It's terrifying at first, but it's worth it.
9. It is not called Beer Pong. You are in Boston, and it is called Beiruit. If someone calls it beer pong, you are within your Bostonian rights to correct them, and then laugh together about the differences in culture. But then you are obligated to beat them at ruit.
10. You may suck at games like ruit, flip cup, quarters, etc for a little while. It's okay. Some people take them really, REALLY seriously. As much as you laugh at them... one day it's going to be you. Damn our competitive nature!
11. If someone kicks you out of a game because you won't remove an article of clothing, they are pathetic. This is one thing I am proud to say I learned from doing the right thing. You have nothing to prove to anyone, and peer pressure is for bad 90's teen movies and that uncomfortable lecture in middle school health class. The point of hanging out and playing these mindlessly fun games is to leave the week's stress behind for a while; if they start causing stress, you can find better friends.
12. It is fruitless trying to find the perfect group of friends. Do what you love, and eventually that group will form without you even realizing. Continue to do things you love now, and find new things to love. The best part of college is that you have time for all of it. That's what all-nighters are for.
13. A lot of people around you will rave about Adderall and how they need it for finals, for all-nighters, etc. I think, frankly, 5 Hour Energy has the same effect and is available at CampCo. Also note: all-nighters are exceedingly more fun when you're pulling one with a friend.
14. Try (almost) everything once (if you want to).
15. Girls are going to whine that all the guys at BU are gay.
a. Some of them are gay. Some of them aren't.
b. Some of them are assholes. Some of them aren't.
c. Some wear deodorant. Some don't.
The point is, the people that say all guys here are or everyone here is, they are closed minded and haven't the courage to leave their own comfort zone. Not only is BU a massive school with thousands of people your age (so the only thing all of you are is BU students, maybe also hooked on Starbucks) but you are in a city that has more college campuses than I have freckles on my body. Meet guys if you want to. Don't worry about it being a competition. If you're having fun, you're doing it right.
16. It's okay to eat breakfast or lunch by yourself. To sit with a book at the GSU alone. It is exceedingly hard to find alone time, so sectioning off a bit of time each day to gather yourself can be pretty smart.
17. As mentioned before, do what you love, but try to also get involved in anything new that remotely interests you. Club teams, music groups, this or that society, even a job on the side (eventually... wait at least a semester for that I'd say) to keep your bank account from being completely drained. Student leadership. Sciencey stuff you're going to be doing at that sciencey school you're in. Model. Take photography. People watch (there's a club for it). You have time, you have multiple talents, and you have at least seven audience members (we have a damn big family, huh) to anything you do. Most importantly, TRY BROOM BALL AT LEAST ONCE. You will fall on your ass, and you will have a complete blast.
18. Go abroad. Do everything in your power to fit it into your 4 year (or 6 year) plan. You will not regret the effort, and it is the most indescribably life changing opportunity that I beg you not to overlook.
19. Know how lucky you are to have so many people near you if you need them. You have friends and family but a train ride away, whether you need an afternoon away to sit over coffee or a 21+ shopping trip. For winter break when some of your friends have to lug home suitcases and book their flights months in advance, you have a car thirty minutes away.
20. I've apparently hit twenty, so I should probably stop at this: you are completely, beautifully unique. Remember this. In a big family, on a crowded train, in a sweaty line waiting for flat Keystone Light from a foamy keg, in a giant lecture hall... you are forging your own way. You are lucky enough to be surrounded by love and support if you need it, but do not be afraid if you're experiencing things differently than you imagined from what we've all said. Take it one thing at a time, and trust yourself. You've come this far, right?
Love,
Eileen
PS. Please refrain from sharing this with certain parents who would frown upon me being drunk at the gym. It was an accident.
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